MTV Sustains Me
September 10th 2006 16:15
I was sceptical about getting Foxtel, we all know it doesn’t even mildly compare in range and value to what's offered in the States. You hear the people complain that there's always the same thing on and you don't get many channels in the basic package but after having my rubber arm twisted, I gave in.
No sooner had I made the decision (along with my boyfriend and flatmate) to sign up, did the first of our fears get confirmed. The basic package, which still costs more than our home phone bill, had nothing of value included. There are all these packages you can do and there's only one good channel in each which leads you to buy the premium package, this includes all but adults only, games and only 2 box office (premium my ar*E!).
So we signed away our lives and a university education for our first kid. The money meant nothing to us as we waited in eager anticipation for Mr Foxtel to turn up, he wasn’t the friendliest of handymen but he got the job done. Then we sat back and enjoyed the show/s.
First off, my biggest problem is too many choices, so I found myself frantic to commit to one channel or another and crowd-surfed until the remote was yanked from my hot little hand.
I've vetoed normal TV, much to the frustration of my boy but I've explained that we can't be paying extortionate amounts of money per month and watch FREE TO AIR (now a dirty word in our house)! I also won't let him watch The Simpsons on Fox 8, to which he moaned "But I love the Simpsons" and I responded "We are not paying to watch television that was unavoidable before we got Foxtel. I like The Simpsons too but they're always on normal TV!" which he retorted with "You don't let me watch that either!".
So the days, weeks, months go by and we realise that even with the Premium package, what they say is true. Most channels on Foxtel are a repetition throughout the day and then the week. You're pretty much watching the same thing over and over bar a few sitcoms, which have new episodes daily. It seems like Pay TV was invented for people who don't get to watch TV too much, so even if you miss the show today/tomorrow/this week, you always have at least till the end of the month for it to be repeated 1000 times. My question: Why subscribe to pay TV if you don't have time to watch it?
Just when I was beginning to regret having been sold into this phenomenon at the risk of little Johnny's education, I found my light at the end of the tunnel. I discovered MTV! MTV first grabbed me with its wonderfully bitchy, sordid, exciting and trashy reality TV show, Laguna Beach. My friends and I were totally obsessed with the first season. I can't tell how reality it is, all I know is real or not I swallow it up!
Then comes The Hills, LB's spin-off with the star of season 1, LC (who can once again revert back to Lauren now that the cast doesn't have 5 of them) beginning an internship in the fashion industry. Not many familiar faces except old-flame from season 2, Jason. Can I just say to anyone who watched season 2, this guy is quite obviously on drugs, I have a feeling they just cant show this because it's not PG. Again, this is delicious, mindless trash!
There's Yo' Mamma which is basically exactly as the title sounds, a battle of Yo' Mamma style insults between two hoods. Hosted by Wil Valderamma aka Fez from That Seventies Show, they go to two different towns in America and a whole lot of people try out their best insults on each other, the top two then battle it out to verse the other town. The two top Yo' Mamma-ers from each town then go to each other's houses and rifle through their personal belongings looking for ammunition in the final battle-off. Only MTV could possibly get away with such a bizarre concept!
There's My Super Sweet 16, about trust fund babies and their outrageous party plans, that sometimes go awry. I mean I'd be pretty pissed off if Kanye West decided to cancel on me at the last minute, like one of the "poor" kids on the show had to endure (Sob).
Even more ridiculous is My Own, in which clearly crazy people obsessed with a particular celebrity are presented with a number of eligibles who share a likeness to that celebrity in one way or another. To further highlight that these people are not quite right, they generally choose the one most like the celeb, despite some often very attractive competition.
Even on MTV, there's a hell of a lot of repetition, the same Punk'd episode and Pimp My Ride episodes are repeated all day! What they don’t put on enough of is my favourite but easily most trashy. I discovered this little pearl only the other day, it's called 8th & Ocean.
Again, it's a reality TV show, from what I gathered it's a number of models living in Big Brother style houses together. The episode I watched started with some controversy between a set of twins. One has recently been picked to model without her sister, which is something they're not used to, so the other is feeling rather down on herself and (like all women feeling a little down) has decided to buy a new pair of boobs. Much to her agent's frustration, she realises she wasn’t thinking with her head and decides to put it on hold for now. Meanwhile, he conniving twin is at a casting without her and when quizzed on where her twin is she explains that she's here (Miami) but not here (as in the room)… Umm, d’uh!
Furious, the agency call the absent twin who has no knowledge of the casting and then it later results in a big bitch-fight where both accuse each other of being "mean".
On the male model side, we have the ever-late Vinci. He rocks up to a show late and takes a call from his girlfriend whilst someone's trying to do his make-up. His booker gets an earful from the head of the agency re: his dwindling reputation and the poor guy agrees to have a chat with him.
Vinci is completely non-plussed by the accusation assuring his booker that he couldn’t possibly ever lose a job. When the booker brings up the fact that the agency shouldn’t be calling one person 25 times a day, Vinci responds in a thick South American accent "All day people calling... Vinci, Vinci, Vinci... but maybe Vinci don't wanna speak to nobody!" Models, God love 'em!
After a gruelling week at work, I look forward to a day off when I can just turn off my brain and watch the box. I can no longer turn to the midday movie for solace (that's on free TV) so I spend the day trying to find a good trashy substitute on one of the movie channels, I'll try and find any other shows I haven’t yet seen the only episode of this month but no matter how bad it gets, I know to completely put my brain to slumber and indulge in the most shameful way, I can always turn to MTV. MTV sustains me.
No sooner had I made the decision (along with my boyfriend and flatmate) to sign up, did the first of our fears get confirmed. The basic package, which still costs more than our home phone bill, had nothing of value included. There are all these packages you can do and there's only one good channel in each which leads you to buy the premium package, this includes all but adults only, games and only 2 box office (premium my ar*E!).
So we signed away our lives and a university education for our first kid. The money meant nothing to us as we waited in eager anticipation for Mr Foxtel to turn up, he wasn’t the friendliest of handymen but he got the job done. Then we sat back and enjoyed the show/s.
First off, my biggest problem is too many choices, so I found myself frantic to commit to one channel or another and crowd-surfed until the remote was yanked from my hot little hand.
I've vetoed normal TV, much to the frustration of my boy but I've explained that we can't be paying extortionate amounts of money per month and watch FREE TO AIR (now a dirty word in our house)! I also won't let him watch The Simpsons on Fox 8, to which he moaned "But I love the Simpsons" and I responded "We are not paying to watch television that was unavoidable before we got Foxtel. I like The Simpsons too but they're always on normal TV!" which he retorted with "You don't let me watch that either!".
So the days, weeks, months go by and we realise that even with the Premium package, what they say is true. Most channels on Foxtel are a repetition throughout the day and then the week. You're pretty much watching the same thing over and over bar a few sitcoms, which have new episodes daily. It seems like Pay TV was invented for people who don't get to watch TV too much, so even if you miss the show today/tomorrow/this week, you always have at least till the end of the month for it to be repeated 1000 times. My question: Why subscribe to pay TV if you don't have time to watch it?
Just when I was beginning to regret having been sold into this phenomenon at the risk of little Johnny's education, I found my light at the end of the tunnel. I discovered MTV! MTV first grabbed me with its wonderfully bitchy, sordid, exciting and trashy reality TV show, Laguna Beach. My friends and I were totally obsessed with the first season. I can't tell how reality it is, all I know is real or not I swallow it up!
Then comes The Hills, LB's spin-off with the star of season 1, LC (who can once again revert back to Lauren now that the cast doesn't have 5 of them) beginning an internship in the fashion industry. Not many familiar faces except old-flame from season 2, Jason. Can I just say to anyone who watched season 2, this guy is quite obviously on drugs, I have a feeling they just cant show this because it's not PG. Again, this is delicious, mindless trash!
There's Yo' Mamma which is basically exactly as the title sounds, a battle of Yo' Mamma style insults between two hoods. Hosted by Wil Valderamma aka Fez from That Seventies Show, they go to two different towns in America and a whole lot of people try out their best insults on each other, the top two then battle it out to verse the other town. The two top Yo' Mamma-ers from each town then go to each other's houses and rifle through their personal belongings looking for ammunition in the final battle-off. Only MTV could possibly get away with such a bizarre concept!
There's My Super Sweet 16, about trust fund babies and their outrageous party plans, that sometimes go awry. I mean I'd be pretty pissed off if Kanye West decided to cancel on me at the last minute, like one of the "poor" kids on the show had to endure (Sob).
Even more ridiculous is My Own, in which clearly crazy people obsessed with a particular celebrity are presented with a number of eligibles who share a likeness to that celebrity in one way or another. To further highlight that these people are not quite right, they generally choose the one most like the celeb, despite some often very attractive competition.
Even on MTV, there's a hell of a lot of repetition, the same Punk'd episode and Pimp My Ride episodes are repeated all day! What they don’t put on enough of is my favourite but easily most trashy. I discovered this little pearl only the other day, it's called 8th & Ocean.
Again, it's a reality TV show, from what I gathered it's a number of models living in Big Brother style houses together. The episode I watched started with some controversy between a set of twins. One has recently been picked to model without her sister, which is something they're not used to, so the other is feeling rather down on herself and (like all women feeling a little down) has decided to buy a new pair of boobs. Much to her agent's frustration, she realises she wasn’t thinking with her head and decides to put it on hold for now. Meanwhile, he conniving twin is at a casting without her and when quizzed on where her twin is she explains that she's here (Miami) but not here (as in the room)… Umm, d’uh!
Furious, the agency call the absent twin who has no knowledge of the casting and then it later results in a big bitch-fight where both accuse each other of being "mean".
On the male model side, we have the ever-late Vinci. He rocks up to a show late and takes a call from his girlfriend whilst someone's trying to do his make-up. His booker gets an earful from the head of the agency re: his dwindling reputation and the poor guy agrees to have a chat with him.
Vinci is completely non-plussed by the accusation assuring his booker that he couldn’t possibly ever lose a job. When the booker brings up the fact that the agency shouldn’t be calling one person 25 times a day, Vinci responds in a thick South American accent "All day people calling... Vinci, Vinci, Vinci... but maybe Vinci don't wanna speak to nobody!" Models, God love 'em!
After a gruelling week at work, I look forward to a day off when I can just turn off my brain and watch the box. I can no longer turn to the midday movie for solace (that's on free TV) so I spend the day trying to find a good trashy substitute on one of the movie channels, I'll try and find any other shows I haven’t yet seen the only episode of this month but no matter how bad it gets, I know to completely put my brain to slumber and indulge in the most shameful way, I can always turn to MTV. MTV sustains me.
As provided by Wikipedia
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